N 35th Street and Stone Ave N (Part 1)

Originally uploaded by Brooks Jones

This is part one of a two-part post. The event described here takes place on July 4th, 2008 between the hours of 6:45pm and 10:35pm.

I hope that all of you had a wonderful 4th of July holiday. I trust that each of you who celebrate this joyous occasion did so with family, friends, good food and fun. I on the other hand, did not. I got to do what I get to do every 4th of July, and that’s direct traffic.

Each year there are two huge 4th of July celebrations that take place in the city. These events are so big that the resources of practically the entire department are called into action. And each year the department gives me the option of eating a broken beer bottle or directing traffic. So I dig out my police uniform, pray that it still fits, and head out to my traffic post with a set of instructions as to what I am supposed to do.

This year I was assigned to the Gas Works Park venue. An estimated 70,000 people flood into this waterfront park to watch 25 minutes of fireworks, which looked exactly like the same fireworks that have been shot off for the last 20 years.

Because of the layout of this neighborhood, we are required to shut off vehicle access to the streets near the park. If we didn’t do this, the drivers would become completely gridlocked and it would be all my fault. This year I was assigned to N 35th Street and Stone Ave N, with instructions not to let traffic into the neighborhood – excluding residents, resident’s guests, customers of local restaurants, employees of businesses, those with disabilities, and anyone whose hair was on fire.

When I arrived at my post, there was a “Road Closed” sign, which I set up in the westbound lane, leading into the neighborhood that practically no one was authorized to enter. And there I stood, in uniform, waiting for the next seven hours of my life to end.

Now as a special treat to all those who have come to this Blog to be entertained, I will now share with you a list of the most commonly asked questions by members of the pedestrian and motoring public as I stood guard at my post.

1. Why is this street closed?
2. Where can I park?
3. What restaurants will be open after the show?
4. Where is a 7-11?
5. Where is the Troll under the bridge?
6. Can I go this way?
7. Where can I go to launch my boat?
8. What stores are open?

And now my favorite…

9. Where can I get batteries?

Here are the most common explanations given by those who chose to ignore the “Road Closed” sign.

1. I’m just dropping them off.
2. We just needed to turn around. (Some actually did turn around, others just kept going.)

After a while, I decided that I would be the one to ask the questions.

“So, what brings you to my closed street?”
“Just trying to get off of the main drag.”
“Turn around.”

During these first few hours of the night, I got to say hello to hundreds of nice people as they walked along to the park. I didn’t have any problems and managed to keep my stress down and my heart rate somewhere between dead and resting.

But what happens when a few of those nice people decide to drink, watch fireworks and then try to leave all at once?